Growing Knowledge of my Depravity

For the past two months or thereabout, I have been noticing my depravity. 

My selfishness and my esteem issues.

While on the surface of my life, it may seem that I am very nonchalant to the people who both know me and do not know me, which I actually am at times, I am actually a one with a little esteem issue here and there.

I am truly struggling with living out my identity, because the thing is, I know who I am in Christ but letting that influence the way I act?

I know I am more than enough and worthy in Christ, but I can’t seem to help thinking what others think of me. I can’t seem to stop overthinking things in an unhealthy manner when people do not reply to me or when I very unnecessarily cause trouble for others. I cannot seem to stop feeling anxious when I send messages for fear of no response. I can’t seem to not feel sorry for people who send messages in groups and they do not receive replies. I can’t seem to not feel obligated to respond out of pity, thinking that if I was in their case, I wouldn’t like it. And I also cannot seem to think people do not like me, or have something against me when they do not respond to my private messages. And as you can see, if you haven’t already noticed, while these issues highly touch on my esteem, they also touch on my self-centeredness.

I am making it all about me, when it’s supposed to be all about God, and consequently, all about others.

And not only in chat messages, but in real life as well. I struggle with putting my needs above others, and always speed up when it deals with my own issues but take my time and be late for things when it comes to others.

It would seem that this is where this all ends, but no. I still lack discipline as well, and self-control.

BUT God.

God is good and God is kind. God is love and God is faithful; faithful to bring to completion what He started in my life (Phil 1:6). I guess that’s the way it is. The more we dwell in Christ, the more He shows us our sin while simultaneously conforming us into the image of His Son.

Have a lovely day Saints.


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