Hey Hephi,
You are in a weird place. The year has almost gone by, memories have been made, some life stages have been accomplished, things that needed to pass have passed. Even so, time with the Lord has tremendously gotten better compared to the first half of the year, and you’re learning to depend more on Him, day by day. But alas, just as you were around a ‘high’ point, something started fighting for your attention on the Lord. Thankfully, having taken a needed couple-days withdrawal, you were able to refocus and keep the threat at bay. But that was the issue, right? Keeping it at bay. Perhaps, you should have wrestled it head-on, on time. But what happened has happened and now you have found yourself at crossroads.
Your whole life will change before your very eyes, based on what decision you make.
See, I do not view the resulting consequence of such a decision as an alteration to what was supposed to be, but as you walking in what God ultimately willed. But it seems there is God’s permissible as well as sovereign will too yeah? And you want to be sure that you are actively following the path He carved out for you, by the act of free will. Yes, indeed. You know even such strength and willpower to do so comes from Him but you are still troubled. You feel a lot of weight. You want to give up and not care anymore, but you know that is not an option– we ought to be wise in every decision we make. So you desire to pray about the situation, sit on it, wait on the Lord, but your heart is not in line with your request. Your desires are blinding you and you are threading in the dark waters of unhealthy bias. So you repeat to yourself over and over again, “Not my will, but Yours, Lord. Not my will, but Yours. Not my will, but Yours,” praying your heart finally inclines to His testimonies. But you also think, “Will our good Father give us things, situations, or people, that our hearts are not originally in tune with?” And you know He will, if it will end up giving Him the most glory in your life, and the others’ lives, that He so chooses to involve. So easy to know as a Christian, but a hard truth to accept.
So finally, my prayer for you is that the Lord will help you love wherever you are at, being faithful with the little and the big. Praying for strength and wisdom and a deeper understanding of His love, when you don’t have many words to say. That you will not doubt His power and love and promise to give you the needed wisdom, as mentioned in James, but to trust wholeheartedly in whatever He works out.
Yes, you are still feeling clouded, like as though the weight is on you, but remember! Jesus has His arms open wide. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. Light! Wow, such peace. The peace that transcends all human understanding, void of anxiety or worries. Do you feel it? I know you do, at least, some of it. Oh Hephzibah, when the devil tries to overwhelm you again with lies that make you think you are on your own, and no one really understands, May the Lord God Almighty, Sovereign Ruler over all the earth, maker of the heavens and the seas, remind you of every needed truth you need to know about Him at that moment.
Pray my dear, pray. Pray for His Kingdom to come, for His Will to be done. Pray the Scriptures, if you can’t formulate words. Pray, pray, and pray. I know you love songs. You can pray in songs too. If you feel too weak for words, just sit in silence and adore Him, rest in Him. Give it all to Jesus. Over and over and over again. Lay it all. Do not give up. He hears your cries, He sympathizes. He knows your troubles, He fashions it for your good. He understands your temptations, He gives you strength. This Father of ours is faithful, loving even the most wretched version of You, but not leaving you like that, and instead, choosing to transform you from wretchedness to full glorification. Hallelujah!
Indeed. This too, shall pass, but not without some growth in the transformation, or should I say, sanctification, process. Hephi, focus on such beautiful truths, remaining faithful in prayer, being of good cheer, loving your family, and loving your friends, trusting that God is working out everything for your good, in Him.
Love,
Serena.
Yes, yes. A while, it has been. I felt like writing in this particular column because I like to come back in the future and see how I was feeling at a certain troubling point in time and how the Lord was working things in my heart and mind, while also publicizing it, because I know the Lord can use it to encourage and draw someone closer to Him.
Nonetheless, Hello to you too! 😊
Being Found In The Vine 