I Want to Stay Prayerful

I’ve been wanting to pray more. Not lazily praying, nor absent-mindedly uttering systematic words, but fully involved in communing with the Father, beholding Him, praising Him, thanking Him, confessing to Him, and making supplications. My prayer life has indeed been all over the place for the past two months or thereabout and I have been wanting things to change.

Thankfully, my beautiful friend and discipler suggested the idea of praying for 10 minutes each day and notifying each other when we were done, as she also wanted to get back into it as well. This started on Sunday and it’s been going well. I find out that sometimes when I am tempted to just let the day go by without praying since I am tired and can always do it tomorrow or I have things to do right now, because I have someone physical that I am accountable to, I drop everything and get right into it at some point during the day or night. Accountability is really key, honestly. But that’s by the way.

I hardly behold God’s Goodness

The first time I did the 10 minutes, it was okay because all I was simply doing was laying petitions for my heart, and other people and because I was typing it, it was a nice little reflective moment for me. Later that night my discipler asked me if my prayers have just been filled with petitions like hers had been and it dawned on me. All I did was ask for things. I don’t even remember thanking Him? And I was amazed at myself. And when I mentioned the lack of thanksgiving thing to her, she said, and I quote, “or even just beholding Him! Telling Him how wonderful He is.” And then I was even more amazed at myself. I did not even think of adoring Him, reflecting and meditating on His beauty and awesomeness. Serena, this is how deep you’ve gone. Sigh. Thank God for friends that remind you of what you need to be reminded of.

She recommended one of her personal Psalm goodies: Psalm 136, that spoke of the love of God and so I set it for my next 10 minutes prayer time. The next day came and I withdrew to pray at the click of the timer. But something was weird.

I found myself confused a bit, because I was just reading through the Psalm as the prayer. And not that I did not mean the words that I spoke about God, but it just felt like I was somewhat cheating since I didn’t come up with the words of adoration myself (it’s just now I am actually putting into words how I felt then. It is a good thing to write). But I brushed that away and continued till I was done, however, the timer wasn’t. So there, I was stuck on what next to do. So went to similar Psalm(s) of adoration and read them till the timer was finally done. I think I wrapped up with a few words and then ended it. That day reminded me just how much I struggled with adoring God.

My Tummy stretches the more I eat

The following days of withdrawing to the 10 minute prayer time reiterated just how much I need the Spirit to be focused. This world can be a recipe of distraction and my mind and my heart make lots of food with this recipe and then when I am trying to taste and see that the Lord is good, my mind fights to remind me of the stale taste of the world. But because I have tasted and seen that my Father is good, I know that no other food can measure up to even 1% of the delight that He brings.

At least I know the one food I can binge eat as much as I want without ever feeling full or it having a negative impact on my body: the Lord

I am not satisfied with pinches of the Father here and there, from time to time. I want to continually eat, but it seems my tummy is not stretched so much yet. But I know that the more frequently I eat and increase in portion sizes, the more my stomach will stretch to accommodate even more food. My earthly stomach will reach it’s limit but there is always room for more in my soul. The little steps that I am taking now, the 10 minute daily prayers, if continued with consistency, will lead up to big steps, being able to pray for hours at a time and not grow tired or disinterested. That, is what I desire.

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