Hey Hephi,
When, or if, you see this in a years’ time, remember that while you failed to be disciplined multiple times, the Holy Spirit did not give up on you. He carried You. He worked in your heart, stirring your soul to desire more of the Father, gradually transforming you into the image of His Son, Jesus. The ever slow yet growing persistent joy you now have? It was Him. How patient and less irrational you have become? It is due to Him. The more consistent time you now spend with the Father? The Holy Spirit I tell ya! Perhaps, how you now view food in a better light? Still the Holy Spirit. The job you may have eventually gotten? It was Him. You did not get to where you are by Your own strength. What a foolish lie, that would be, and you know it.
Love,
Serena.