Hey. My heart is wrestling what something that should be minor, care to listen? Okay here it goes.
Yesterday I found myself giving reasons to justify the fact that I an an ambivert when people think I am an extrovert. Okay stay with me. I find it fascinating, and not in a good way. It’s revealing a lot about my heart, of which I will expound more on later in another post but for now let me work you through my thought process.
So yeah, I know the extrovert opinion should not be bothering me this much but it is. And I’m not gonna lie, it hurt me when people I thought would really know me did not know me. Perhaps the Holy Spirit has gradually grown me over the past year and a half in boldness that it has become difficult to really know where I stand in the interaction spectrum. I’m thankful but can’t help but feel misunderstood. It still takes a lot of internal convincing to walk up to new people and strike up a conversation, but it’s less now than then. Or should we talk about eye contact? The amount of mental energy used up in talking myself into looking at a group of people and not at the ground when talking to them, but again, less now than before. Glory be to God that He has reduced my social anxiety but it’s still there, especially in group situations of about 7 or more people where all eyes will be on me and I have to talk. I detest it. I really do but I’ve been put in situations more recently than before where I have to grow in this aspect of my life. And don’t get me wrong, I understand that there can be shy extroverts but I doubt that’s where I belong as well.
I don’t even want to go into details here why I believe myself to be a shy ambivert because it doesn’t really matter. While I feel people are wrong about what they think I am, I too can also be wrong. But praise God that He knows me better than people do, and better than myself and the forgetfulness of this truth is most likely the reason why I let people’s opinions of me get to me. I do not seem to be satisfied in the fact that God knows me best and chooses to love me and work with me this way.
I have been so caught up in the spectrum of the interactive ‘verts’ that I have almost forgotten what identity really matters: who we are in Christ. As a Christian, a follower of Christ, an ambassador for the Kindgom, I am called to preach the good news unto all men, to the ends of the earth. No conditions attached as to whether I naturally feel like doing it or not, or whether making friends or talking to people is as easy as easy can be to me. None like that. People need to hear the good news of Jesus Christ. That He came to die that we may live unto the glorification of God’s name here on earth. More on the good news here*.
I have been so caught up in the spectrum of the interactive ‘verts’ that I have almost forgotten what identity really matters: who we are in Christ.
Writing this up has been therapeutic for me. I am reminded that though people don’t fully understand me, though I don’t fully understand myself, that God does and He is willing to work with me as I am, no matter how impossible that may seem. I am uplifted that even though people are more gifted in conversations than others, the Holy Spirit gives the needed boldness and strength to speak and tell of the gospel. He doesn’t show favoritism but works with each person uniquely and individually, even though we do not deserve it. Through the reflection that went into this post, I was able to realize God’s work in my life over the years. He is a good and faithful Father.
So the question is not “if I am an extrovert, introvert, or an ambivert”, but “if I am a child of God.”
Have a lovely day, or night, wherever you are xx.
* I forgot to include the link of the good news for about 10 hours after publication and I would have included it’ but i had wifi issues. But I’ve attached it now!