What are the odds? I watched the drama again and sacrificed my sleep and mind. This is becoming dangerous, in fact, it is already dangerous to both my physical and spiritual health. You know, there are some seasons of life where you need to let some things go. I believe that this season of my life is one I need to stop watching movies or dramas*, except if I go to the movies with friends. It certainly causes me unhealthy distractions and stray me away from Christ due to a suffering prayer time and time in His Word each day. It becomes hard to build up my prayer, Bible study and journaling habit when my mind is being dominated by something else.
I thought my willpower to stop watching the drama was strong just because I felt convicted in that moment. But that’s always how it is (the mistake of trusting in self. Sigh). After indulging, feelings of guilt will flood my mind and resolutions to never indulge will take residence side by side up there in my brain. All these happening within the few moments after indulgence. Then let a good amount of time pass. It doesn’t even have to be hours and yet the temptation would resurface and everything in me would want to succumb, to the point I wouldn’t even really want to pray for the Spirit to give me strength to resist because I so badly want to satisfy my flesh. I might end up praying, but best believe, a half hearted one which is split between two desires. To please the Lord which in that moment takes the smaller percentage, and the other to please self.
Yesterday before I watched the drama, I left an edifying zoom call in the name of wanting to sleep and ended up spending hours more on the series. In the call however, something the speaker said made me thing. She said, “remember your why.” Remember the reason you started following Jesus, even in times when situations are overwhelmingly bad or you feel extremely happy and content (paraphrasing and adding my own input). The reward of eternity is worth more than any temporary pleasure may feel here. “All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever…” (1 Pet. 1:24-25). My flesh will fade away, entertainment will fade away but God’s Word stands through and beyond time. Unchanging and never ending.
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us…For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.Romans 8:18, 20-23
It will bring suffering to let go of things that need to be let gone off in the pursuit of Christ. It will bring suffering to stick to the Lord when all else around you actively goes against Him. These couple of verses may not be referring to the suffering of heart or flesh that comes with stopping things that cling so dear to our hearts and become idols of hindrances to proper worship of God. However, from these verses, I understand that these things that pose as hindrances to allowing God’s name are corruption. They are sin. And because I am still in my flesh, the bondage to sin manifest itself sometimes in my actions. But because of Christ and His sacrifice, I am no longer a slave to sin. I am now free to live as He did, like He did, in the manner worthy of the gospel.
Yesterday I was told something about me that people found encouraging to them, that I didn’t even know that they knew I did those things sometimes. I also remembered an encouraging word my sister said to me on my birthday last week about how my life impacted her spiritually and so again, I couldn’t help but ponder, “have I forgotten why I followed Jesus?” Is that why I keep falling to the same thing that keeps tugging my heart over and over again, treating God’s mercy like a sac that will always be available and not worthy of reverence? “Have I become too comfortable?”
No, I have not forgotten what I was saved unto, which is to glorify God’s name here on earth, but I have become comfortable with sin, which reveals if I truly believe or hold onto the purpose to which Christ died to set me free from sin. I know this is partly because I haven’t been actively seeking accountability in my weak areas, which is what I need to do.
Nevertheless, it will be a hard long journey to the complete freedom from sin, and full glorification with Christ, but it will also be a sweet one. It brings joy to serve the Lord, lasting joy, and perhaps that’s what I forget when I want to indulge. Maybe it skips my mind that it pays to let go of things that will cause your spiritual life to be the payment. Or even more so, it seems that I have forgotten my identity in that moment: who I am in Christ and what grace and power has been given and shown to me to live righteously; that I am free to do what is right. I am not dominated by anything but Christ Who’s Spirit gives strength to live a life pleasing to the Father.
It pays to let go of things that will cause your spiritual life to be the payment.
I would appreciate your prayers on this journey that I am to complete freedom and likewise, please drop a prayer request in the comment section below or in my email, so I too can pray for you. So that we can fully attain the redemption of our bodies, as members of the universal body of Christ.
Have a lovely day, or night, wherever you may be xx.
Side note: When I saw how I had failed and made mistakes and lived in unrepentant sins over the past few days, I was discouraged to update anything pm here since I wouldn’t feel qualified, but when ever are we qualified? God qualifies whom He saves. And I want this blog to be a vulnerable space, showing how God is working through my faults and liberating me from them at the same time.
*perhaps just drama series to be excluded for now. Lol.