Laying it Out

Written Jan 4 2020.

Things have been weighing on my heart. Things about mistakes, things that should not have been that I have caused to be. Even though the year is still fresh, my memories did not go through a reset. Memories of feelings are still there, memories of the things that tempt me still remain, memories of my struggles from last year are as clear as day.

What do I do with these worries? Make resolutions all over again? No. Dwell and mop about them all the more? No. Pray about them when I’ve been sort of neglecting Bible reading? Yes. I have prayed and I will again. I will seek to know my Father more through His Word and communication with Him. But like Preston Perry once said, God has a way of using people to get to people. Hence, why we share the gospel and the Spirit doesn’t just randomly change someone’s heart. All this to say that I need to go to a believer about this.

I’m weary of talking it out with a friend though. I’m worried I might be judged but I know I wouldn’t. I’m also worried they would advice me against what my flesh wants to do, which is precisely what I need to do: go against it. Fight with all my might- I repeat, all my might, not a measily decision making, because it is a war.

But to be honest with you, it’s hard to do the right thing when most of everything in me wants to go the opposite way. What’s worse, dramas I watch put me in my feels and wish for something I shouldn’t be wishing for, but I still watch it. Perhaps I should stop watching the drama, because it even makes me lose sleep and I became sort of a slave to it. Last night, after abruptiong stopping the drama due to lack of sleep, I go on IG and see Jackie Hill Perry post something about not being dominated by anything. The way God works. Thank You Lord for this platform because now I have truly decided to stop watching these dramas, for the upteenth time. They are harmful to my soul, no matter how PG they may seem.

So this is is me trying to clear my head on my way to a friend’s house to screen our church’s online prayer meeting together. After the meeting, I’m probably going to come clean about my struggles and hear what she has to say. More likely than not, I will cry but that wouldn’t surprise her too much. I am a cry baby sometimes. Thank you for listening to me.

Have a lovely day, or night, wherever you may be. xx


6 thoughts on “Laying it Out

  1. I so relate with your worries but your resolve to fight with all your might is so right!! I heard this somewhere last year, โ€œSlay the sin in your life. Don’t tame it.โ€ And as much as we don’t always see it, neglecting it often causes us to tame the sin or be passive about it repentance. But we ought to hate the sin that God hates and love the sometimes uncomfortable but sobering, joyous truth that goes against it. I am so encouraged to see that your heart continually goes to the lord to fight the sin, as well as seeking Godly friends to fight with you! Sometimes I wonder to myself, where would I be if not for Godly friends. Isn’t it so beautiful that we are saved into a family.
    Doing the right thing is indeed hard; I feel like I learn that every day now ๐Ÿ˜‚, especially in this quarantine period in my country. Anyway, how did the chat with the friend go? Would love to know!
    Also, I love how you reference both Preston and Jackie. Just thought I should throw that thought out there.๐Ÿ˜…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aleezadores! Thank you. Thank you for taking out your time to write all these. You don’t know how much reading this refreshed in me right now the resolve to fight the temptation to lazy out my time with a new drama. We ought to hate the sin that God hates and not be passive about it indeed.

      And yes, it is a beautiful thing to be saved into a family!

      Oh and if you don’t mind me asking, where do you stay?

      As for my friend, she shared her worries too with me and she even brought up a related topic before I shared what was bothering me! We ended up talking for 3 hours at a stretch in her car after a church prayer meeting. Quite impromptu but very much needed and helpful for both of us. She asked me to help her in an upcoming season of her life, and she gave me helpful tips about life too and just listened to me. Such a sweet friend. Thank you so much for asking!

      and Ya know it! I love the Perrys! Glad to find another Perry lover here ๐Ÿ˜‚โค


      1. I COULD SWEAR THAT I FELT THAT THIS PERSON WAS SOMEONE RELATED TO YOU. for one, zimbabwe seemed to be the country that had my most views this week and when I saw the manner with which you had been writing, it seemed SO much like Maxine (you ๐Ÿ˜‚) and so I wondered if you were her friend. I even wanted to ask if she stayed in Zimbabwe but I thought that may have been creepy.
        Fam please clarify for me next time ๐Ÿ˜ญ but thank you for your kind words frieeeenddd!!!! โค๐Ÿ˜ญโค


  2. Hahahaha yep. I’ll be clear next time lol but I think you will know. My username is the same.
    Glad for the constant posts, if it’s not clear I love reading your posts very very much!! I was sharing one of your posts with a friend today. Hope to read one particular one with her to encourage her in her struggle this week!

    Liked by 1 person

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