Today, I had a heart to heart conversation with my sister. We are both saved, praise be to God, so you can expect that our deep spoken interaction was rooted in Christ.
What started out as a confrontation from my side about correcting me in a more loving tone, led to a new table of discoveries of the things we both do unknowingly, but majorly on my part. It had to do with the matter of cleaning. I explained to her that my eyesight fails me at times in that I do not know when I leave places dirty or sometimes, my memory fails me. I take actions in response to listening to her corrections but she doesn’t realise this at times but I understand though. It’s because those times, the job I do is not the best ‘job well done’ and there is still evidence of dirt left. So this leaves her to think that I never even really tried to clean it in the first place and this reflects in her tone of correction, followed by a hiss at times and this hurts me. So I had to let it out to her, also partly because I felt it was loving to help her see how she may be doing this unconsciously and may eventually do it to others as well.
Whilst we spoke, she realised the eyesight thing and also pointed out to me about how on my part, I tend to speak in a calm tone when I am trying to talk things out, as if a calm tone ultimately equates the person of the voice to the right side of the argument. Also, after I became saved, I turned into an overly sentimental person. And although this aspect of the conversation was not particularly related to what began it, I was all ears because I don’t think anyone had ever told me these things before. Aspects of my behavior were being exposed that I never even realised I was engaging in and how it affected the other party in question.
As my sister pointed these things out to me, at first I disagreed but I started to see and understand what she was saying. I would mask how I truly feel about things at times and nod as if I was in agreement, only for a different phase in time to come and my responses or behavior would show that I truly didn’t agree. And even dismissing to engage in a discussion about things would make the other party feel like I’m treating them as unworthy of my involvement; like as if, they’re not worth my time. I would hide my true feelings about things for the sake of being at peace with one another and not wanting to come off as non-gentle, or fail at displaying the fruit of the Spirit. Yes, there are times that may call for a setting aside of differences, but there are also times where one needs to voice out how they feel about things so it doesn’t pile up. And, also for the other party to see how they may have hurt me or who knows? Speaking out and not choosing to ignore and let it go, can be God’s way of showing them a certain pattern of sin in their life that they never knew they had, through you. Thereby, answering my prayer of going to God, releasing my heart to Him (thinking that only He would understand) and asking Him to reveal to the person their sin.
She understood why I did what I did though. She knew I was trying to live for Christ and walk in the light by displaying the fruits of the Spirit. But she also knew that a quiet behavior per say, is possibly not who God made me to be. There are people gifted with calmness but that is not me. Yes, granted. We need to be gentle, and quiet, but in spirit. In behavior too, I’m called to be slow to speak but there are times where a hyper personality is not sinful, and can still be used to minister to people in equal measure with a calm personality, with both having a quiet and gentle spirit because it simply means being behaving in subject to authority.
But what I have been trying to do, is turn myself into a person who wouldn’t voice out my true thoughts to people (apart from my sister majorly), for the sake of a quiet and gentle spirit. I would automatically switch to a calm tone, even when I could be angry about things, trying to mask my anger over the whole issue. In some ways, that’s deceit. There are times that call for speaking up and there are also times when we need to let some things go. There is a time for a stern tone and also, for a calm tone. A stern tone is not necessarily sinful and bad and likewise, a calm tone is not necessarily peaceful and loving.
However, it is hard to find a balance.
And my sister agrees too. But we’re on this journey together. When I fall short, may God help me either personally, through others or through her and likewise in her case. We will help each other on this journey of faith that we’re on. Because so long as we’re christians, we are called to love. And like I learnt from sermon today, love does not tolerate sin or disobedience. It warns, corrects and admonishes. God did not tolerate our sin, but provided away from us to get separated from it, through Jesus. And at times, we part ways with sin by confessing our sins to one another. And it seems that is what may have happened today. I am glad for Community and praise God, this is a blood related one.
Have a beautiful day, Saints! xx