I’m feeling Down

There’s something wrong. I’m not feeling alright. I should turn to my Bible, but here I am typing, on the verge of tears. There’s something wrong and I can feel it and I think I know what is.

I saw my selfishness on full display today. I saw how I’m so caught up in myself and neglect those around me. I see how my mood can negatively affect the people I surround myself with. I see myself getting frustrated with people messaging me and wishing they would leave me alone. I see myself getting annoyed at corrections and trying to victimized myself. I see myself getting annoyed that people forget me or don’t tag me in certain posts. I find myself concentrating only on what I am doing and not choosing to set it aside for the other person, even though it isn’t important. Yesterday, I even went out with friends, when I’m supposed to be phycially isolating because of the wet cold I have and living with my sister who has the same coupled with sore throats and then sleeping over, not being considerate or reasonable or loving. I am really finding myself at a weird place today.

I have truly realised once again how selfish I am.

I had begun neglect this aspect of me and push away seeking selflessness although that was even my new years resolution.

And even how I wished to be more organized at the beginning of this year, today was proof that that aspect of my life is not going so well. Although, I’d admit, it may have improved, based on what people have said. Today I didn’t even catch up on the classes I had missed because I have a terrible sleep pattern and slept during class times. I have not read the remaining parts of a drama that will take long to finish and is due to be discussed tomorrow. I have not called the people I need to call, like my family. I have not done a lot of things that I should have done.

I feel like I’m getting to this suffocating hole of how terrible and almost useless of a person I am. But I know it’s not true. Yes, at heart, I am wicked and sinful and useless by nature, but in Christ, I am made whole. I am no longer that person. I am being sanctified and this selfishness that seems like it wants to overwhelm me, it will not. By the power of the Holy Spirit in me, the Light has overcome that darkness.

I will try and scurry to my Bible now and read words of assurance and try to talk to God how I’m feeling. When I do this, it almost always feels better afterwards. Thank you for coming to my vulnerable heart talk once again.

Stay safe and have a good night. ❤

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9 thoughts on “I’m feeling Down

  1. “Yes, at heart, I am wicked and sinful and useless by nature, but in Christ, I am made whole”.

    Serena, the above expression shouldn’t be found on your lips even at your lowest point. Truth is, we all have times when we seem to be going off track conduct-wise. Regardless, we are who God (God’s Word) says we are. Our spirit is perfect; however, our minds need constant renewal by God’s Word. When we feast our minds on God’s Word long enough (consistently), it affects our minds and consequently influences our actions and conducts. Don’t wallow. Remember James 5:13. In the place of prayer (particularly in the Spirit) and constant meditation on God’s Word, we get rid of contrary opinions and traits and get ourselves into the mould that God will have us. And of course, don’t isolate yourself from people of like minds. All in all, magnify your weaknesses less but rather address them with the right things. Come to terms with who God says you are and let your spirit man get to work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have realised my mistake. Indeed I should not have. I am wicked and sinful at heart. But I am not useless because God created me. He thought to create me and did. He designed me and put me on earth for a purpose. And rather than dwelling on the bad, I will dwell on God’s grace and His righteousness. Instead of dwelling on my failures, I will reflect on it and seek the Spirit to help me grow. Instead of wallowing, I will think of how far God has brought me. I will seek constant renewal of my mind from His Word to remind myself of His promises and my identity. Thank you so much for this Sir. Thank you 😊🌹

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    1. At this point, I’m realizing that there seems to come this point in every Christian’s walk…maybe. But I understand 🥺♥️🙏🏽 Thank God for His strength. 🕊

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