I remember the anxious feel of my heart; the vibration of my hands; the overwhelmingness of the situation. I remember it all like it was today and that’s because it was. Whew Chile!
Imagine me, having an essay due today but not having started before the day started. And I didn’t deter this 25% essay because I felt like and just wanted to have leisure. No. I was packed this week, once again. Day after day, I found myself losing sleep, waking up late and being late for class, because I struggled to finish up a lab report, and assignments while also trying to balance out of school meetups. Sigh. These assignments and lab report were assigned last week, so it’s not like I would have done them earlier, although I did start last week. My essay conference to check my thesis was on the last school day of last week and it was due the last school day of this week, which is today. What more could I have done? Okay, granted, I shouldn’t have wasted time scrolling through articles on my phone, I shouldn’t have indulged in time wasting conversations, I shouldn’t have done a lot of things, but I still worked. Time management and discipline is something that I have been growing in, thanks be to God, but still seriously need to grow more in. I find it ironic how me trying to do my assignments on time so to avoid the rush that happened these past two to three days, still got me ended up in a painful rush. However, it could have been significantly worse if I hadn’t completed (or almost) some of my assignments last week.
Studying for my midterm yesterday was what had me. Catching up on missed sleep after in the night coincided with the sleep I was supposed to be getting the night before Thursday. So I could only get about two hours or thereabout of sleep even though I sacrificed working on my essay to ease my headache, in order to rest and be refreshed. I struggled to keep awake even updating my blog yesterday and couldn’t reply my comments because I was so tired, like struggling-to-keep-eyes-open kind of tired (and that is what I am struggling with again as I write this). But even after the rest, sis has known no refreshing feel today, except for two hours after I woke up. All through my back to back classes today, I felt so tired, struggling to keep awake in some. It was hard. And when I finally got to my last class for the day, Literature class, having done nothing but completed my thesis, I felt done for but a little hopeful.
I had emailed the teacher the night before asking for a shift in the submission time to maybe 11:59 pm on Thursday since it will still be the same day but I got no reply. And when class came, she asked for the papers to be passed in front and imagine my shame when basically everyone else but me submitted. Although I feared that I could basically be missed of this 25%, I still had little hope that she would extend some time for me, maybe procuring some late submission penalty. but at least the whole 25% would not be gone. So I went to her after class, and yes! She extended it but only for two hours after. She said I should submit latest by 3pm, because she had to be done marking by 5pm, and her class with me finished at 1pm (well, about 12:45pm). I pleaded for some more extension but she said I should try. Something in that word stirred me up and I was determined to do it but scared I wouldn’t be able to finish.
I had never written a proper academic essay in under 8 hours or thereabout. I always took my time because I loved my work being close to perfection. And now, I was told to greatly shrink the time I usually spend to write essays and still produce about 2000 words.
The first thing that came to my mind once I left my teacher was prayer. I sought to asking for prayer from my friends as soon as I could. I couldn’t do this alone. This was beyond me. I felt so scared, and anxious but I had hope. Perhaps God has been building me through this blog and over time, in my the speed of my typing and in the lengths that I write, because the speed at which I wrote that essay, I don’t believe I have ever written that fast for that amount of time at once. And this essay needed quotes from the short story literature that I was commenting on; specifically a theme in the story. So it involved active reading, translating, relating and creating. I don’t even know how I did it, but I managed to finish it by 3:18 pm or so, the words summing up to 1990, which was acceptable.
In between, I thought I wasn’t going to make it; I didn’t know what else to add and I was still short of about 700 words. Then as time went on, thoughts started flowing and it amounted to the 1990 words. Holy Spirit, You are good. Although nearing the ending of the essay, headache started forming till it became forefront; my eyes started getting heavy and I felt myself getting fatigued but the Lord gave me strength to go on. I didn’t have the time to go through my work and really make sure that my citations were proper but I finished and got tangible things in.
People, only God is truly to be praised and credited for this.
I don’t even know where to start with the praise but I know that the words of my mouth and the adorations from my heart would not be close to being sufficient enough for the praise that this God I serve deserves.
From anxiety to victory, if it ain’t because of my God, who else?
Please if I haven’t replied you in the comment section, please bear with me. I sincerely apologize. My head seems to almost burst at the moment. I felt to get this entry out of the way first, then rest. Have a good rest too, as I rest. In fact, let us all rest. Good night!