From a Dear Friend

I have been going through things…processes, that I can’t explain. I’m realizing more and more what my sins are. God is bringing to the surface of my mind the things that truly plague my heart. The more I talk about these troubles and the more I deeply scan through my life and why I do the things I do, the more the Spirit helps bring into actualization, the factuality of the sins I commit.

As I was explaining to my friend this evening about why I left Instagram and why I’m wanting to withdraw from all others, even this blog, I found myself explaining to myself too, what I truly battle; why I seek to run away from it all quickly. I found that I was concerned with many things, to the minorities of things that people would hardly ever consider. And when I realized this, I suddenly remembered when my friend Brittany told me on Monday: that I am someone who is so into details. And I am. It plagues me down to the brim. It’s why I deleted my previous posts from previous years. It’s why I worry so much before posting on Instagram a picture that contains a caption talking about my life. It’s why I hardly inform Instagram about updates on this blog with regards to posts. It’s why I hardly ever put location tags on my post to avoid people being envious. It’s why I always want to clarify what I say to people, making sure I didn’t tell them a lie. It’s why I always overthink before posting pictures, worrying if I would post something I would ever regret.

This can actually be good in some ways. It keeps me in check with the Truth. I find myself rechecking, most especially when it has to do with the gospel, what I am about to say or post, so I don’t end up leading people astray, accomplishing the complete opposite of my motive.

But it can also be bad. When I start to getting almost obsessed about it, focusing more on details of events, than enjoying the gifts of life and God’s grace. It can be hard though –finding a balance. Where do I draw the line between eagerly wanting to share the word to people so they can learn from it, and withdrawing because I find myself being prideful of the privilege of knowledge and experience the Lord has blessed me with?

Sadly, but gladly, I am very much like my dear mum, sister, and friend in Christ, Brittany, who I can possibly even say is my mentor/discipliner. So because she knows what I am going through as she has gone through it before, she gave me bundles of blessed advice, packed with wisdom in a vn. It was so good that I had to type out what she said. Here’s some of what she said:

Not wanting to think so self-focused or think that [you] have all these grand thoughts to say but also really just wanting to help people. [However], always be thinking in terms of going slow and being disciplined; and going deep and being faithful because you’re naturally going to go fast and go out because you want to influence people and to go in spurts instead of being faithful and disciplined.

It’s just like seeking to always be balanced. It’s like recognizing where your weaknesses are and seeking to balance those with what the strength would be in that category.

[paraphrased] One of God’s grace at work in your life is the fact that you can recognize your sin. Without His Spirit urging you, you would not be able to see it. And the fact that you seek help from community …They’re all evidences of humility that you want to grow and recognize that you don’t have it all together. All of that is there in your heart because God put it there which is so exciting.

God has you right now in a season of tremendous growth where you’re like a plant where it’s first budded, where all of a sudden, its shoot of green coming up really fast; but that shoot of green has to have roots that are growing deep as well…A lot of young Christians can initially grow so much and they get so excited about the growth that they forget that that growth only comes from the roots that should be growing just as much.

The things is, roots aren’t as exciting or beautiful. Roots have to do with going deep and going deep has to do with slowing down. 

So, focusing on your relationship with the Lord; focusing on establishing that you understand the doctrines of Christianity and that you eat up His word and your mind starts being filled with His word and shaped by His word and out of that would naturally come influence. You’ll naturally influence people through your words.

Have a beautiful night loves.🌹❤🌹

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