Scary, Filled and Drained

I loved today. Full of the Spirit interwined with sporadical fears here and there. Then finally some wearing out. But I got to say, I loved every bit of it!

I believe today was God granting me answers to my prayers to spend more time with Him. Because I have no logical explanation as to why I woke up peacefully without tiredness, at 3am, having slept for three hours, coupled with the fact that I was already on sleep debt. God was definitely the One behind this. And then I knew and decided in my heart that I was going to use the early hours of the morning to worship Him, as I’d wanted to do so in a long time but sleep had been carrying me. So after going through blog posts inspiring me to spend more time with Christ, and having a few conversations with my sister and friend in the room who were awake as well, I took to the stairs to go down to the cold chilly weather behind my dorms. That’s usually the place I used to go to, to really cry out and talk loudly to God when my room was occupied, as it was the moment. So when a few minutes after 4am past, I took to praying.

Like I literally started speaking many things to my Father. I asked the Spirit for utterance and I found myself easily flowing verses of promises, and prayer from the Bible, through my mouth. It just kept coming to my mind and I spoke as it did. I went ahead to pray for myself, then for my friends, then took to praying for my already written prayers in my prayer journal for the month. It was wow. I loved the way I was freely speaking to him without having to speak in my mind or reduce my voice. I felt FREE. I asked for tongues and sillily tried to fake it again when it just didn’t come. I just simply switched back to praying normally, not frequently asking for it because we don’t want to focus too much on the gift more so than the giver of it. And of course, I also asked for other manifestations of the Spirit as well, like faith and prophecy.

After I was done praying for myself, my friends, my family, my church, my nation, the world and then praising God for the various answered prayers and constant ‘goodnesses’ and favours in my lfie, I switched to Worship.

Oh worship is sweet; very very sweet.

bUt, pLeAse, iF yOu sEe mE, jUsT wAlKaWay.

Please respect the huge space that I’m so terribly, unecessaily occupying and claiming to be mine, and leave if you see me jumping or dancing or shouting strangely, because my behavior could change in two ways, most of the time.

Either I get so over concerned by your appearance that I do not freely move and dance till my heart’s content for God.

Or

My need to see others see how people worship or serve a living God, differs from the worship to a dead one, surpasses the worship itself. I can start to fully express myself in voice, and jumping, because I see someone is wathcing me, but I’m also doing this to worship my Father as well, but I notice myself giving Him divided attention constantly. And this is something I have struggled with CONSTANTLY. Like, it takes a lot of mental reminders about focusing on God alone. It is well with my soul.

Another thing I’ve noticed about myself, is that I tend to fear what could suddenly harm me while I’m trying to focus on worshipping and praying to my Father. It’s like I’m battling with finding peace in the fact that He’s surrounding me and that I’m in Him. I begin to imagine black demonic creatures with weird manly figures here and there. Either I imagne one quickly run to me and attack me from behind or when my eyes are closed, imagine them attacking from any angle. I really cannot explain it well enough. I would also get distracted by the loud car sounds behind the wall and imagine one of them crashing through the wall and killing me. I’ve had these kinds of imaginations before though and was scared at the thought of me dying, but this time, I literally found confidence in Christ. I was rest assured of my ending, if at all I died there and then, because it was possible. I was going to be with Him! So although I still struggle with these fearful imaginations, I know they would all pass away in the new heaven and the new earth.

However, I really need y’all to please pray for me in terms of distractions and full concentration to the Lord, and also that I find perfect peace and rest in His presence.

But I have good news again though! I literally spent over 2 hours in His presence! It was crazyyy. I simply cannot remember the last time this happened! It certainly couldn’t have been due to my power, might or perseverance. The Lord took me, guided me, strengthened me and sustained me in His good gracious mercies. I was legit thinking how there was absolutely NO WAY that it was me that took myself through for that long, even with enough strength to still write in my journal afterwards, before going back upstairs about 20 minutes after 6am. It was a beautiful and fascinating experience; Shouting, singing jumping and dancing: All for the Lord! Praise God mahn!

Sadly, I didn’t get to sleep well before my 9:30am class. I planned to sleep at 7am and wake up by 9am, but a friend of mine who just returned to school came into our room and we started talking and gisting and yuh, time seriously passed. I even also had to go with her to get something for her, that I needed to and so I found myself battling life decisions of sleep at 8:15am. I gave up and just slept and told my sister to set an alarm for 9am, while I also did so myself, but tor, wake up where? 9am past and I slept through mahn after briefly contemplating on if I should miss my class or not and decided to. However, grades and quest for diligence would not allow sis to sleep in peace and so I finally woke up 9 minutes to class, freshened up and ended up 15 minutes late for class but sis still made it! Thank God.

Even though today was supposed to be a free day for me, considering the fact that I had a single class for the day, it was scheduled to be the complete opposite. I planned to meet up with three people and my first meet up was at 11am, 15 minutes after the end of my class. So yeah, sis has been up and about since then up until about 6:45pm. From encountering trouble at the metro station with my card, to getting help from a nice strange lady, to meeting up with my first friend which lasted for almost 4 hours, to meeting my other friends for a meeting which lasted about an hour, to getting back to school at 6:45pm, to sitting down at the bleachers on the field, enjoying the fresh air, mainly on a mission to get some people on the track team to attend a Christian conference in the next city, to finally coming up to my room, rushing to write this as quickly as I can, with my eyes struggling to keep open. I have to say, God made things work out for my good mahn because the last person that I was supposed to meet at 6pm canceled because she was sick and I was sooo relieved because I really didn’t want to have to cancel our meet up again after uncertainties lead to the last cancel. I didn’t know how to tell her that I was hanging on a thread of only three hours of sleep coupled with sleep debt and a good amount of steps around the city for the day. I was drained and literally could not go on. So how I’m writing this now and even managed to get this amount of words out, is ONLY by the strength of the Holy Spirit.

The friend I met at 11am! Meet this beautiful 18 year old child of God journalist, Imnah!

And so people, the day has finally come to an end and I want to seriously knock out asap but my friend needs me in about thirty minutes to help her with something so after that, with a brief on my day in my journal, imma pass out bro.

Have a peaceful night, loves <3🌹<3


Please ignore any grammatical errors. I am barely hanging on here. Thank you🤗

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